Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Big Time Failure

Well, it's official.  I'm a failure when it comes to starting the Proverbs 31 Wife challenge.  I seriously have had no time to start it.  I'm thinking that I may have to wait for school to be over.  I have been going to bed late each night this week because of work.  I've been waking up late because I stayed up late the night before.  Ugh!  I will do it.  I just don't have time to focus on it right now.  I'm not saying that I'm not focusing on my marriage.  In fact, just the opposite has occured. 

Eben's birthday was Monday.  We celebrated all weekend.  We had a crawfish boil on Saturday with a few of our family members.  I scrubbed the house down Saturday morning and it smelled amazing, which is one of the things my dear hubby loves.  I had Cajun music on the radio and the patio was all set up when he got home.  Thanks to my dear brother-in-law.  We had a great time with family, good food, and good music. 

Sunday, we didn't go to church again.  I'm failing at that too.  I had every intention of going, but with everyone over the night before I needed the entire day to go grocery shopping, get Easter stuff, get my sister's bday present, as well as Eben's, and to get ready for the next day.  I also spent the day cleaning up the big mess that was made the night before. 

I had seen a pin on Pinterest about a gift for husbands.  This link will take you directly to Keep Calm and Carry On, which is the blog the pin belonged to.  I had to make one for my husband. 

The Bud Light box is supposed to be like an Easter basket.  There's Easter grass at the bottom of the box.  I then added a package of chocolate chip cookies (his fav), a peanut butter Easter bunny, a poof, body wash, Gas X (to go along with the card that the girls got him...they thought it was hilarious), razor blades (expensive), a garden gnome, a timer thing that waters his garden on schedule, and swim trunks.  The girls wanted to get him a football, but when we went to the Dallas Cowboys Store they were $100, so they got him a Dallas Cowboys teddy bear instead.  I also loaded the outside refrigerator with beer.  He was a very happy camper. 

Sunday night I fixed him a wonderful meal of meatloaf, mashed potato bake, and Cajun green beans.  When we were blessing the food, we thanked God for sending him to us. 

On Monday, his real birthday, I got him a cookie cake (his fav) with a very small amount of chocolate icing on it.  We invited my sister and her family over to enjoy it with us. 
I'd say, his birthday was a huge success!

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

A Little Set Back

I had every intention of starting my Proverbs 31 Wife challenge on Monday.  Unfortunately a few things popped up that prevented me from starting. 

First off, I was coming off of spring break mode.  You know, the mode where you sleep later than normal and go to bed way past your usual bed time.  I usually wake up at 4 AM on school days, but Monday I woke up at 5:45.  That gave me 45 minutes to chug some coffee, jump in the shower, get dressed, and out the door by 6:30. 

Then, I text my dear hubby to ask how Kinsley's first day of speech went.  He said, "She didn't go.  We were sitting in front of the school at 8:00.  She said that she needed to pee, so I drove home.  Then she said she needed to poop and she never did."  Needless to say, Kinsley missed her first day of speech.  I was furious.  Then he tells me that the daycare can't drop her off or pick her up when he can't do either.  I immediately started to panic.  But then it hit me.  Dear hubby doesn't have to be at work until 9:00, and he's the boss.  She has speech Monday and Wednesdays from 8:15 to 8:45.  The daycare is across the street from the school she would be going to for speech, and we live exactly 1 minute and 30 seconds from the school.  Why in the world can't he do it on those days????  UGH!!!  FRUSTRATED much?

This morning, on my way to work I called my dear hubby and asked him to take out the pork chops for dinner tonight.  I told him to put them back in the refrigerator before he left.  When I walked in after school this afternoon, guess what was not out of the freezer.  Yep.  The porkchops.  And the house was a disaster.  I immediately started washing dishes and cleaning up.  He walks in 30 minutes later asking me what's for dinner. 

This is going to be tough. It's hard for me to bite my tongue sometimes.  Not that I fight with my husband.  We don't usually fight.  We're more of the silent treatment type, but I do make little jabs sometimes. 

So, I'll be starting the process next week.  I already need a vacation from this week and it's only Tuesday. 

Saturday, March 16, 2013

Proverbs 31 Wife - Preparation

I'm preparing to begin my journey to be a Proverbs 31 wife.  I've got The Love Dare book ready to go.  I've also started reading Donna Partow's book Becoming the Woman God Wants Me to Be:  A 90 Day Guide to Living the Proverbs 31 Life.  

According to Ms. Partow's book, I'll need a daily planner/journal that I'll carry around with me for the next 90 days.  So, that's on my list of things to do this weekend.  I'm going to get a basket as well, to house the books I'll be reading, as well as my Bible, a notebook (to take notes and jot things down), a highlighter, and a pen.  {I actually just ordered everything I need through Amazon.  It'll all be here Monday or Tuesday}

I'll be starting on Monday, March 18th.  I'll stop by the blog periodically to post about how it's all going.  I need lots of prayers sent up to our Heavenly Host.  Through his guidance and encouragement, my life will change.  I'll become the wife that my husband needs, as well as the mother my two girls need.  I can't wait to get started.

Friday, March 15, 2013

Parenting Is The Toughest Job There Is

I have been going round and round with my two kiddos lately about picking up after themselves, following directions, etc.  I'm at my wits end.  I feel like throwing in the towel and saying, "Go ahead.  Knock eachother's teeth out over a Little Pet Shop toy.  Destroy this place.  I'm sick of cleaning it anyway." 

That's what I would say if I didn't love my children and am concerned with the women they will become when they grow up.  I want my girls to be good, hard-working, God fearing women.  It's my job to teach them this, but why is it so hard?  ::I just imagined myself rolling on the ground, kicking, and screaming...having an all out tantrum:::

The girls brought a ton of their toys into the living room this morning.  They had been playing with them all day.  I began cleaning and getting ready for my husband to come home.  I told them to clean up the living room.  I then went into the dining room to begin sweeping.  When I was done, I went back in the living room and they were still playing.  I told them again to clean up all of their toys out of the living room.  I then went to mop the dining room.  When I returned to the living room, they were both in Katie's room playing and all of the toys were still in the living room.  I got a bag and put all of the toys that were in the living room into the bag and put the bag on the top shelf of the closet.  Katie walks out and says, "I didn't want those toys anyway."  I replied with, "It's now time to clean up your room or the same thing is going to happen in there."  She said, "I don't like any of my toys.  You can get rid of them." 

My mouth literally fell to the floor and I could feel the blood begin to boil within my veins.  I turned around, walked outside, and immediately called my mom.  She had to call me back, so I did the dishes and prayed.  "Please dear Lord help me.  Show me what to do.  Tell me what to say."  My mom called back and said to have her choose her most prized toy(s), which would be The Littlest Pet Shop.  She said to tell her that since she doesn't care for the other toys, that we would be giving her very special toys to some very special kids that don't have any toys.  Kids that would take care of them. 

I didn't do it.  I came close, but I just couldn't do it.  So, right before her daddy pulled in the driveway I walked past her room and she was actually cleaning up.  I didn't say anything, just kept walking.  She came out a little later and said that her room was clean.  I went to check and the floor was picked up.  I told her that I was so proud of her for cleaning her room up like I had asked, but then I looked under her desk and her bed.  Toys were shoved under them.  I opened her toybox and dirty clothes were in there.  We had a talk yesterday about shoving our toys under our beds, so I know that she knew better.

I told her that all of the toys needed to be put away.  She immediately threw herself on the floor and started crying.  I had had enough.  Our town throws a festival during spring break every year.  We usually go 2 or 3 days and we spend one evening eating dinner there.  This was supposed to be the night we went.  She had been talking about it ever since she saw the rides being put together.  We can go outside in the evening and hear the rides, music, and people screaming.  I said right then, "We're not going to the festival tonight.  If you show me tomorrow that you are a big girl, and can follow directions and clean your room, then we'll talk about going."  It hurt me to tell her that, but I had to put my foot down.  We were all being punished, because we all wanted to go. 

She has been crying ever since.  Eben and Kinsley were heading out the door to go to the grocery store.  He asked Katie if she wanted to go and she said no.  He put Kinsley in the carseat and got into the driver's seat.  He started to back up, but Katie ran to the door because she had changed her mind.  He stopped and pulled forward and she threw herself down again.  She was screaming that he was leaving her.  He honked his horn and I opened the door for her to go.  She was crawling toward the door.  I told her to get up and go, but she just sat in a pile on the floor crying.  I asked her if she wanted to go and she shook her head no.  So, he left.  She started freaking out again. 

Once he left, she began to calm down somewhat.  She then came to me and told me that she was hungry.  I was snacking on peanut butter and crackers.  I told her that she could have some.  She threw herself down again.  I immediately picked up her, put her in her bed, and shut the door. 

She is now sitting quietly eating peanut butter and crackers. 

Dear Lord, please help me. 

Proverbs 31 - Giving It a Try

I started reading a book earlier today titled My So Called Life As a Proverbs 31 Wife which I had seen on Pinterest.  I scanned the author's website and thought, "I've really got to read this book."  So, thanks to the digital world, it was immediately sent to my Kindle. 

I spent the next few hours reading, as my 3 year old kept insisting that I watch her do a ballet dance and asking me to throw a ball into a laundry basket filled with dirty clothes.  Sara Horn, the author, kept an account of her trying to be more like the Proverbs 31 wife.  She calls her Martha 31, after Martha Stewart, but trying to keep it close to the biblical context, added the 31 to her name.  She uses The Love Dare book to help guide her into becoming more like the wife in the scripture.  This book is not a "how to" book, but rather her account of what she went through during this time.  I now must do the same.

My husband has been on me lately about being "closer" (ladies, you know what I mean by "closer") to one another, and says that I don't appreciate him or show him that I appreciate him (he likes to be shown by being "closer").  We have a lot of moments when we just sit around watching TV or playing on our smart phones.  He's right, I don't show him how much he means to me and I'm definitely not the kind of wife that one would brag about.  Not that bragging is a good thing, but I have daughters that need someone to model for them what a wife is supposed to be...a biblical wife.  Not that our marriage is on the rocks or anything, it's far from that, but rather it's complacent.  Who wants to be complacent???  I sure don't.  I'm ready to rock my husband's world and take our relationship to greater heights.

My husband does sooooooooooo much around the house and with the kids.  He cooks, cleans, washes clothes, bathes the kids and gets them ready for bed, and the list goes on and on.  I've been extremely selfish, complacent, and a long list of other bad things that a biblical wife should not be.  I put my work before anything else, and I believe my family is suffering from this.  Not just my husband, but my children as well.  My relationship with God is also suffering. 

I wake up at 4 AM every morning and I balance the checkbook, pay bills, check out Pinterest, and drink my coffee before getting into the shower at around 5:45.  After I get out of the shower, I usually pick out Katie's clothes and gather all of our stuff that is needed for the day and set it all by the door.  I wake Eben up at 6:00.  He gets Katie dressed (not a pretty site...she is usually screaming and kicking because she doesn't want to go to school or she wants me to get her dressed), he starts my car and turns on the heater (even when it's 70 degrees outside, the heater is on 90...I can't breathe when I get in there), makes Katie's breakfast, and brings all of our stuff out to the car.  We're usually out the door no later than 6:35 and that's when I'm running late.  He kisses Katie as he buckles her up and he shuts the door.  He doesn't usually say anything to me.  I'm usually the one to say sarcastically, "I love you too, Babe." 

I've been getting home a little before him lately because I bring things home to work on rather than doing it all up at the school.  Plus, Katie has dance on Tuesdays and Thursdays which means that I get a few minutes of alone time before everyone comes home for the evening.  Lately he asks what we want for dinner and runs to the store to get it becaue I didn't go grocery shopping the weekend before or I forgot to thaw something out to cook.  We usually take turns cooking, but he's been doing it a lot lately.  I usually grade papers or work on lesson plans.  I may occassionally pick up the house, but it's been a pig pen lately.  He is usually the one to pick up. 

After we eat he gives the girls a bath.  We usually tag team getting them dressed, but for the most part, he tends to them.  After I eat, my eyelids are usually slowly but steadily beginning to droop.  I'm usually passed out by 8:30. 

I've always seen myself as a great wife and mother, but after reading Proverbs 31 and the book mentioned above, I am lacking in an extreme way since I've started my job.  My children are starting to act up from the lack of discipline (that's something he isn't very good at...he gives them multiple chances and usually caves in).  They've taken over our bed and he sleeps on the couch.  Katie isn't doing well in school and I'm a first grade teacher...crazy, right?  I'm seriously slacking on the most two important jobs that I have as a woman.  My husband and my children are supposed to come first.  Not my job.  My relationship with God has dwindled significantly.  Not that I don't believe in him or have the occassionaly one-sided conversation with him, but I'm not spending time with him in his word at all.  Sunday mornings are about it and even that hasn't been going as planned because I'm usually trying to get ready for the upcoming week and end up missing church entirely.

So, after being inspired by the scripture and the above mentioned book, I've decided to take on the challenge to be a Proverbs 31 wife.  I will be using The Love Dare book to give me inspiration as to how to repair my marriage.  I will be spending time in God's word to grow and nurture my relationship with him.  I believe that once I put God first and act according to his word then all else will fall into place.  Including my marriage, my children, and everything else.  I'm using this blog to chronicle my journey.  I can't promise that I'll post about it every day, but I'll do my best.  I want my girls to be able to read about this when they are older so that can see that I did the very best I could for them and our family.  Our family began with me and my husband and our relationship will improve our family's lives.

I found this on Pinterest, but it belongs to Wive's of Faith, which is the website that Sara Horn started.  My sister showed me this a few years ago when my relationship with my husband was on shaky ground.  When I saw this earlier this morning, I just new that this is what we've got to live by and I have to start applying it today.

My mission starts now.